Numinous, Masculine Sexuality, part 2 – Awakening my sacred masculine

Today's post is part 2 of my post on Numinous, Masculine Sexuality. These two posts share my journey through the 6th metaphor from the book The Hidden Spirituality of Men - Ten Metaphors to Awaken the Sacred Masculine by Matthew Fox. In my last post I talked about how ancient religions ( and some non-western religions ) worshipped sexuality as sacred. I also discussed how western religions have brought shame into the forefront of sexuality in an attempt to control the sacred. Finally, the last post discussed the fact that sacred sexuality is not just about intercourse - but rather intercourse is just one aspect. In revisiting this chapter I found myself starting to learn to play the guitar and it has given me access to a sexual spirit that has been suppressed for some time now. The topics of today's journey through numinous, masculine sexuality are sperm, male infertility, sexual diversity learning from the gifts of homosexuality and wrapping it all up in sexuality as sacred.

Sperm

In the book, the author had asked a group of mostly men to write down an answer to the question, "What is Sperm?" He shared many of the responses he got and many of them were at or nearing poetic. As someone who had always been uncomfortable with anything sexual in nature it had been very easy for me to never even think about it. Well, in the honor of sharing my journey I am going to attempt to answer that question right here in this blog from my perspective. I only hope I can do it justice.

Why is it so hard to honor sperm? Is it because it has so many names that make us giggle or turn red? Is it because we are afraid of the awesome power that lies within? Sperm is a metaphor for possibility. Each sperm is the possibility of life, and not just any life. The possibility of a new life that we love more than we have ever loved before. I have 2 sons because of sperm. 1 came from planning and one came from a moment of passionate love but they are both a part of my life because of sperm. Of all the fluids that are worshipped in this world - blood, wine, holy water - this seems left out of the sacred mix. So even if it is only a moment before my shame rises again, I take this moment to honor distilled masculine sexuality in sperm.

[ad#Google Adsense] That was tough to write because I felt myself pulled separately by both my reverence and shame that I felt. This chapter, and specifically this section on sperm bring to mind one individual who seems to exude sacred masculine sexual energy more than anyone I can think of - Prince. He has many songs that are clearly about sexuality, including one called Cream. At the end of the movie Purple Rain he has a concert and the finale is him doing an obvious ejaculation from his guitar. Finally, at one point he changed his name to around a legal dispute with Warner Brothers and this is what he had to say about it:

I was born Prince and did not want to adopt another conventional name. The only acceptable replacement for my name, and my identity, was the Love Symbol, a symbol with no pronunciation, that is a representation of me and what my music is about. This symbol is present in my work over the years; it is a concept that has evolved from my frustration; it is who I am. It is my name.

To many the symbol seemed random, but to Prince it was the Love Symbol. Love is central to sacred sexuality and he has embodied it in his art.

Male Infertility

With all this admiration for sperm and its reproductive power the author was confronted by a member of the group that wrote about sperm. For this man the question brought pain because he was infertile. While I have been blessed with two beautiful boys he was unable to have any by his sperm due to that fact. But if you read his story you find out more. You find out about the way he was initially dismissed when having trouble getting his wife pregnant. You find out the research the two of them did to find out about their options. Their journey led them to choosing to have children by using a sperm donor. The mental and emotional power of sperm is strong in this story. Though this man's sperm were incapable of fulfilling their reproductive duty the spiritual aspect of them still led him to having children to whom he is a father. In fact the story goes deeper and it is worth the read.

It was interesting to notice how male infertility is so casually dismissed as if it takes no psychological or spiritual toll. When you compare this to our current (in)ability to honor sperm as we do the ovum it isn't hard to see why this is. Men want to be parents as well and any inability in this area forces a very rocky mental and spiritual path to be walked.

Continue reading... [ad#Books Banner]

Sexual Diversity and The Lover

I hate to copy too much from the book, so I will try to paraphrase the first paragraph of this section in the book. Scientifically speaking, sexual reproduction was the genesis of greater diversity of life on earth. After species started reproducing sexually you started to see different traits come out at a much greater rate. In present day we see this through not only physical attributes but also in the types of personalities we all have. If sex was an explosion of diversity why do we act like it should only look one way?

From style to position, from gender roles to gender preference, diversity is a part of sexuality and sexuality is a part of the sacred. One thing that this chapter mentions is that the sacred can not be held back and nature is proof of this in regards to libido. The animal kingdom ( this includes humans ) is pretty consistent in this diversity. I read an article a few weeks ago that talked about the mating rituals of bats that includes oral sex. In regards to homosexuality 464 other species have been observed with homosexual populations. Nature has so much to teach us about many sacred things, so what does it have to teach us about sexuality?

In regards to our acceptance of homosexuality as natural, humankind still has a ways to go but we are on the path. Some countries and states allow same sex marriages. While some recent votes in some states have disheartened me this chapter made me realize something. The very fact that there are votes to vote down means we are on the path right now. If you compare the current movement for gay and lesbian rights to the movements for the rights of women or of different races you'll see a similarity. It's not as if Martin Luther King, Jr. said, "I have a dream..." and everyone said ,"you know, you're right. I'm sorry. I've been treating you different all this time." No, instead they had to keep working to change people's minds through education. Just like today's relationship between religion and homophobia there are examples of people using their religion to support their racism. So for those warriors who are fighting this fight, be heartened. The path may be murky but we are moving forward along it. [ad#Google Adsense]

Honoring, and Learning from, the Gifts of Homosexuality

This section of the chapter was mind blowing and, to be honest, a lot easier to be present to than other sections. In a society that has had news stories about metrosexuals, guys who have typically homosexual traits ( style, tastes, a sense of culture ), it can be hard for some to admit that we have anything to learn from homosexuality. I find this is especially true with gay men who actually have quite a lot to offer their hetero-masculine brethren and neither side may realize it. Because out gay men have already had to do the work to feel comfortable with their own sexuality they can access more of their sacred energies.

For instance:

• Creativity. The style and tastes of gay men are not limited by anything that might seem feminine. In fact the divine feminine is an equal part of creativity as the sacred masculine.
• Being a bridge between men and women. The very fact that gay men can access both energies without shame allows them the ability see outside of normal gender roles that can get in the way of individuals being truly powerful.
• Humor. What is it about gay men that makes hetero men uncomfortable? It might be that they have so much fun with their sexuality. If they are out, they have gotten past the shame and can truly enjoy role playing with their partners.
• Spirituality. Before reading this section I didn't realize that homosexual men used to be the spiritual directors for the great chiefs of Native Americans. They were called berdache or winkte.

The whole concept of winkte makes me wonder if the scandals of homosexuality (with under age boys) in the catholic church comes out of this spiritual connection that has been warped by an attempt to control the sacred (sexuality). My tangent aside there was another statement about winkte that I found interesting. One native woman whose Uncle is homosexual talked about how it is unfortunate that native youth don't know their history and criticize gays. Not only because they don't know their own cultures true history but it also has young winkte not fulfilling their spiritual role in the community.

One last thing hetero men can learn from gay men is how to love other men. I've talked about sex a lot and people often collapse sex and love but they are distinct ( though love is a part of the sacred sexual ). The best definition of love I have ever heard is,"accepting someone for who they are and for who they are not." There are some great examples of non-romantic man to man love, sometimes referred to as a bromance. The example that best comes to mind for me is Turk and JD on the TV show Scrubs. The great thing about their love for each other is that the writers just have fun with it. Along the way a hetero guy like myself starts to feel jealous if he doesn't have a best friend like that in his life.

Sexuality as Sacred

Between last week's post and this I hope that you saw as I did that sexuality is more than just intercourse and erogenous zones. It is a sacred energy that we can tap into for great pleasure and joy in life. Sexuality can not be confined to a single thing because as a mystical energy it can not be confined. It will find a way out but could be distorted in the process. By embracing the sacred sensual we have an opportunity to enjoy life and that which is truly alive. By suppressing it we end up a little dead inside and dead sexual energy= necrophilia. [ad#Books Banner]

Next week's Wednesday Warrior post is a great follow up to sacred sexuality. The next metaphor is titled,"Our Cosmic And Animal Bodies." More posting without the net of comfort there. If you liked this post please subscribe to my RSS Feed and/or follow me on Twitter. If you only want to read my Wednesday Warrior posts subscribe to the Wednesday Warrior feed. Until next time, thanks for reading.

Numinous, Masculine Sexuality, part 1 - Awakening my sacred masculine

Welcome the first part of metaphor 6 on my journey through the book "The Hidden Spirituality of Men - Ten Metaphors to Awaken the Sacred Masculine" by Matthew Fox. If this is your first time reading my blog you might want to at least read the initial post on the book. You can also check out other posts in the series. Beyond that, read on. Here it is, the metaphor on sexuality. This metaphor was the most confronting to start reading. I put it off both subconsciously and consciously for about 2 weeks. At the same time, masculine sexual energy is a major reason I started looking into the men's studies movement. As a father of two boys, I kept questioning whether or not I would know how to speak powerfully to them about sex when the time comes.

Being raised in an all (powerful) female household I really never had a male figure I trusted to discuss these things with and I was already ashamed about how other men treated women. Initially, the question of masculine sexuality pulled me on this journey through the sacred masculine and I was afraid of this metaphor the most ( my ego was definitely shaking in its boots ). [ad#Google Adsense] When I finally read the chapter, I breezed through it and got a lot of information. I felt much more comfortable and saw the bigger picture of the sacredness of sexuality. When I reread it before writing this article I noticed how much I missed. Realizing that my subconscious probably zoned out on the first pass, I made an effort to take in the information inside this book.

I feel I must say one thing before moving on. This article is about sexuality as it concerns the sacred masculine. It is meant as a serious spiritual discussion. Watch where you find yourself giggling as that is where you are probably missing out sacrament of sex. Read on if you are ready.

Masculine Sexuality, Numinous Sexuality

In order to best stay true to what I got from this metaphor I will be following the sections of the chapter and use those headings. One distinction is very important for this metaphor - the distinction between spirituality and religion in regards to sexuality. Long before the religions of today, people treated sex as a spiritual experience. Many current religions treat sex as a sin.

"Our Western institutional religious tradition has essentially repressed and distorted the sexual instinct and thereby created a variety of personal and social pathologies. In doing so it has also effectively removed sexuality from its religious foundations."

Also keep in mind that

"...for most people the experience of sex is more powerful than their experience of religion."

This must be because during sex we are making a strong connection to the sacred and during religious ceremonies we may be holding some of the spiritual energies back. [ad#Books Banner]

Ancient Sacred Metaphors of Sexuality

There are ancient temples that still exist that obviously worship the male phallus. Because they still exist people get a sense of the awe. In this space of awe one has the ability to experience joy and pleasure through intercourse and other forms of sex. What must it be like to worship masculine sexual energy without shame?

Sexuality and Shame:A Western Inheritance

I've written before how much of being a man can be summed up in one word, shame. When it comes to sex it is felt by the truckload. I've grown up in the Western world where sex is considered dirty ( and that being dirty is a bad thing ). While it is generally considered okay for men to want sex, only the hunt is really accepted. The act itself, the connection to ones partner and to the universe are not given their due. As such men's stories about sex are about quantity and/or domination rather than quality and connectedness. If a man does talk about the spirituality of sex people often don't listen or if they do they believe the man to be boasting about prowess. [ad#Google Adsense] Yes, having fun with sex, enjoying it is even worse in Western culture. Which brings up another issue, roleplaying. In western culture there is some of this that occurs, but even it gets perverted to the point that the roleplaying is not used for connectedness but to create more separation. A separation between the people involved and a separation from the full experience of it. Roleplaying isn't just about wearing costumes, though that can be part of it. Its about having fun with your partner and looking for new experiences together. Its important to switch roles occasionally. Switch who's on top and who's on bottom ( both physically and metaphorically ) to make sure both people get the full experience. Passion equals play, so to keep the spark going have some fun together.

The Many Names of Sexuality

I've used the word sexuality so many times that you may have thought I was only talking about sex. There are many other names used in the book and I would like to share a few that you may not be thinking of.

• Union
• Laughter
• Joy
• Surrender
• Healing
• The Sacred Masculine
• The Divine Feminine
• Hope
• Creativity
• Music

This list is less extensive than what is in the book. In the book they also add the point that you can most likely add more of your own. So as we discuss sexuality realize that we are discussing so much more than intercourse. [ad#Books Banner]

The Lover's Revelation

Did you know that the Bible devotes and entire book to praising sexual love as divine? I didn't but the author mentioned time and again that Song of Songs does just that. Despite my less than biblical path to spirituality, I'm intrigued to see what it says.

Religions around the world have spent some if not a lot of time discussing divinity of sexual love. Why? What do we get from it? As you look closely you see that we get more than we thought. There is the connected to another person, the connectedness to the universe. I've heard a comic describe how sex is weird because a man (who usually focuses on one thing) has to focus on many things at once and a woman (who usually splits focus between many things ) has to focus on one thing. This is funny because of the truth in it ( and he had much better delivery than my writing ). It shows that through sexual love we also gain perspective.

As one studies the power of numinous sexuality one also sees the importance of mutuality. Sexual energy is shared when used positively. This also lets us see a little of the shadow energies most often associated with (masculine) sexuality. The shadow energy of sexuality comes out as domination instead of mutual physical love. Some of this shadow energy comes because of the repression of sexuality in our culture. It is such a powerful part of our spirits that it will come out. That is why it is important to embrace what it truly is so that it can flow powerfully.

Intermission

These sacred masculine posts are growing quite long, and in order to give this one enough time I am breaking it up into two parts. Part two of Numinous Masculine Sexuality will cover sperm, male infertility, sexual diversity, what heterosexuals can learn from homesexuals and how to approach sexuality as sacred. Until next week, what sorts of thoughts did this article spark for you in the realm of sacred sexuality? Does any of this ring true for you or do you think I'm barking up the wrong tree? Please leave your comments below or send a private message through this blog's contact page. [ad#Google Adsense] If you liked this post please subscribe to my RSS Feed and/or follow me on Twitter. If you only want to read my Wednesday Warrior posts subscribe to the Wednesday Warrior feed. Until next time, thanks for reading.